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Wellness imitates Dilbert

Do you know whether heartburn pills are safe for long-term use?

Quizzify knows. Click to learn more.

Incredibly, events unfolded almost exactly this way at Penn State during their well-publicized wellness debacle 5 years ago.  It was even funnier in real life because while exercise does of course promote wellness, faculty and staff were very restricted in their use of campus recreational facilities. Making those free to employees and dependents was not part of their wellness initiative.

No, instead employees were being forced into an outcomes-based wellness program, one that was supposed to save “millions of dollars.”

Coincidentally, while the Penn State HR department — ably assisted by Ron Goetzel, who later denied having anything to do with them despite being in their press conference – was trying to force employees into these programs, the Penn State bakery announced an expanded selection of pastries and desserts for the upcoming semester.

Penn State’s was, to paraphrase the immortal words of the great philosophers Gilbert & Sullivan, the very model of a modern forced wellness program. Sure, they violated clinical guidelines. That seems to be the price of entry for wellness. More head-scratchingly, women had to disclose whether they intended to become pregnant, or else pay a $1200 fine. This requirement was so Highmark could – to use the Highmark representative’s own words in a rather contentious faculty meeting — “help” them. That would be like offering to “help” the proverbial little old lady cross the street — but if she declines assistance, saying: “OK, then pay me $1200. The choice is yours.”

(Full disclosure: Highmark has now abandoned their old outcomes-based wellness program in favor of a much lighter and more appropriate program, and we wish them the best at it.)

Back to the storyline…

There is something about forced outcomes-based wellness programs that brings out employers’ inner stupid, and Penn State was no exception.  Consider: almost by definition women who are planning to become pregnant have thought about it and have done the basic research. It’s the women who accidentally become pregnant who may possibly have the need for assistance. And even the dumbest HRA wouldn’t ask the question: “Are you going to accidentally become pregnant?”

So, using the very unlikely assumption that women completed the HRA honestly, Penn State’s forced disclosure requirement would have identified 100% of the people who did not need “help,” while missing 100% of the women who might.  If you’re keeping score at home, that’s 100% false positives and 100% false negatives. That’s a lot even by wellness industry standards. Eat your heart out, Interactive Health.

And did I miss the memo where carriers were anointed the prime providers of medical “help”?  Has anyone ever said to you: “You don’t look so good today. Better call your health plan”?

See https://theysaidwhat.net/2016/04/22/the-story-of-an-employee-who-benefited-from-wellness/ for the back story.


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